Recent Thoughts.

As the title suggests, here are some of my thoughts that have come in and out of my head. I can't shake the mixed feelings of everything that my thought processes has brought to me. So here goes. Breathe, Hachi. Breathe in hard.

I don’t know what I get myself into most of the time. I live for the moment, yes. For those know me well enough, that is how I truly believe that people should abide by on a daily basis. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, what will happen the next week. I don’t intend to figure things out until they come. I think about it, yes. But I cannot rely on plans to indicate how my life will play out. It just cannot happen. So for those that cannot deal with the way I see how life should run, perhaps it is time you leave my life. I don’t need people that are merely going to criticize me for the way that I see shit happen in the world. I don’t need your pity for the reasons why I follow the path that I take the way that I do. And for those of you those who just don’t understand get the hell off of your high horses. It’s time you stop with your egotistical selves and take into perspective that life doesn’t just revolve around you.

So I'm thinking about friendships that I'd like to keep. I have a select few that I think could manage with for the rest of my life. But at the same time, I'm wondering just whom are the most faithful. I'm not sure... if I can be truly honest with some people, though I would like to be. I'm not sure if I would want to replace many of them with new people. They are my people. Or at least I would hope. Granted, we do not do many things together anymore and I am perhaps constantly under a lot of pressure. There are so many damn due dates for everything. I'd truly like at least a week to just sit down with a beer bottle and just chill with my closest friends, just to vent some more about... well everything. But unfortunately, as I have learned just ever so recently, that doesn't seem to fix a lot of problems.

Friends aren't forever. I've learned this from the past. We would like to confuse this concept with the infinite gauge. I used to be one of those people that believed that friendship... romance... they are things that are as hard as diamonds. They will never break, will always be present. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I came to the conclusion that all that bullshit that people fill in your young heads, they're just that. Bullshit. It's like deciding to own a pet-- it’s all part of that void where we constantly are reminded that we own a small piece of broken tragedy. It tears you up inside, cutting you deep in places you never knew existed. And yet, we constantly get ourselves involved with this bullshit of an idea, hoping that the previous was just a mistake, a lie. But it will constantly happen so long as human beings have emotions. We break, we cry, we bitch and moan. None of it ever goes away. The memories never really fade... Unless you happen to catch this thing called amnesia or dementia or Huntington's disease...

I’m frustrated. I’m not sure what to do with myself. I don’t know what to do with certain people in my life right now. I am just so damn baffled. It’s like I’m constantly looking for ways to make things seem more complicated than they already are. And I laugh everything off, like it is some sort of horror show. I’m making it all up as I go along. And I can’t help myself. Or rather, should I say that I don’t want to stop myself. Maybe I’m in full control of my actions, my words. Who the fuck knows anymore, right? That’s usually how we think of things that happen to go awry. I'm feeling that right now. I don't fucking know what I want in my life, but it is expected for me to sit here, think about my actions, my behaviors that are so damn bound by rules, just because of who I made myself to be. 

Bounded by rules. Rules that are so invisible, so fucking transparent, but yet they are put in place to serve a purpose that may or may not be worth it in the end. I mean, whoever came up with these rules that we have to follow? Who told us that... in order to be successful that we have to follow the "norms" of society? Why does being successful mean that we have to earn higher degrees? Why must we suffer with people that are below average in intelligence to be mixed together with those that know, for sure, that they can do better than where or what they are? Why, for god's sake, are we torturing ourselves as humans... to follow every inch of the social contract? Is it because we honestly cannot think for ourselves? Or have we come so far that we are in constant arguments with ourselves, because we simply want to fit in with the more massive group. And with that, those that decide that it isn't worth spending and spending to become one of those high-end personas, are they the true beings that have reached the higher end of self-actualization?

What is the meaning of life? Is it to figure these questions out? Is it to simply finish the life span that each one of us has set? What makes us croak? When will we know? Do we simply know? Do we... wait for a train wreck to occur while we are on it, traveling from point A to point B? Do we wait for that guy or girl to tick, so that he or she ends up in one of those high towers... well, you can imagine the rest. Do we wait for some sort of incurable diseases to set into our bodies, so that we may decay quicker and faster?

And since we are on the topic of life... since some of us knows that life is short; is it possible that we should do whatever we can to make the biggest impression on people? And do they have to honestly be good things? Could they be terrible things, like selling pornographic and/or possibly photo-shopped images of hot girls to porn sites? Could it be things like, say, having multitudes of sex with every two-legged, four-legged creature? What about those guys that would fuck any chick with a nice rack?

Just my recent thoughts.